I Want

I Want

I want to wake up in the morning and

I want to write

I want a good appetite

I want to feel good, not bitter

I want to wander country paths

I want to look upon the silvery pink of the birch tree, to see the lines on the trunk, an elephant trunk, but no elephant in sight, the knobbles, the dents, the artistry are all the wonders I want to look upon

I want all the sheep in the field to walk without limping, and am saddened to count three who do, no four, is that five

I want to walk without fear

I want to sit on the bench, a memorial to someone passed to the other side, someone who I can only think loved this patch of ground where she could look over the valley town, to the grand green hills

I want to sleep

I want the guilt to dissolve

I want the bile to dissolve

I want anger, hatred, ignorance, arrogance, all to dissolve

I want the traffic to slow

I want to work off the sadness that lays itself upon my pillows at night

I want to rid myself of the cloud which hangs over me

I want to be heard

I want not to speak

I want to cry

I want to free the tears, as I want to heal

I want my mum back

I want to sleep

I want to look at her face in the photographs and talk of her, and remember her, without the pain that for now persists

I want not to wear the horse hair coat, not be haunted with my last sight of her, in peace, blue lips, head resting on hands, before stealing her serenity

I want to die

I don’t want to die but they say there’s peace in death

I want these last two lines to be forgotten

I want to wake every morning

I want to walk in the meadows

I want to fly in the blue, swoop with the swallows, air in my feathers, stroking the dew

I want to see the birch, the rowan, apple trees, blackberry’s, rosehip, the sheep, springing magpies, and the ground that surrounds me

I want to read

I want to play music like an angel

I want to breathe

I want to sleep

I want to be able to paint a picture so beautiful that your eyes would melt

I want to see colour

I want to hear music

I want to sing, to dance, to sway, sweep, swivel

I want to obey

I want to rebel, rebel, rebel against people who drill in their rights and wrongs when some people’s wrongs might be right

I want the stability, I yearn for the stability, the chiselled chin of permanence

I want to feel the strength, the kind hand of the land beneath me

I want that hand to touch me from sleep, to show me that lives live on, in the memory of those who loved them